The Bug House Files

Why the Doggers of Badminton renew my faith in debauchery

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Degenerate: Leonardo Di Caprio as Wall Street broker Jordan

Degenerate: Leonardo Di Caprio as Wall Street broker Jordan Belfort

They say you should try everything once, except incest and Morris Dancing.

Good advice – although the other night I went to see The Wolf of Wall Street, which chronicles the life and times of a New York stockbroker called Jordan Belfort.

From what I could make out incest and Morris Dancing was pretty much all Belfort didn’t try during his rip-roaring 1990s heyday. However as I left the screening I couldn’t help thinking that like so many other things in life orgies, Quaalude benders and snorting coke from a hooker’s backside sound much better than they actually are in real life. Never has debauchery seemed so depressing.

By contrast, the next day I happened to read about the Doggers of Badminton. These are a group of men who like to gather in farm buildings on the Duke of Beaufort’s estate in Wiltshire, dressed in PVC, fairy wings and tutus.

The local tenant farmers are incensed.  “On one occasion I found four bras hanging up,” one of them told reporters. ‘On another there were a couple of old boys who said, ‘We’re only here for having a bit of fun mate.’”

The police have now stepped up patrols in the area and it would seem the Badminton doggers’ days are numbered – which is a pity, because unlike Jordan Belfort and his cadre of coke-crazed degenerates, there is something peculiarly British and reassuring about a group of chaps dressing up for an evening of like-minded deviance in an old barn in Wiltshire.

The locals wouldn’t agree, but after the grubbiness of Wolf of Wall Street it was reassuring to discover that debauchery isn’t all bad.

And the story would certainly make a great film – one of those hilarious ensemble pieces like The Full Monty that we in this country do so well. I can see it now: Fairy Wings & Tutus, starring Colin Firth, Benedict Cumberbatch and John Hurt in the lead roles. Maybe Julian Fellowes could write it. He could even star as the Duke of Beaufort.

You heard it here first, folks




Author: Jim Ford

I'm an author and journalist. "The Bug House" series of Tyneside-based crime novels is published in 2014

One thought on “Why the Doggers of Badminton renew my faith in debauchery

  1. Love it. All power to “only having a bit of fun” in the countryside

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